I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
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