I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I just found puke in my bra..
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
