girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
