i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
