well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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