i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
