We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
So apparently I’m into choking now
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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