Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
