I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Randomize
