saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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