Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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