no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
being pregnant is like rehab
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
