She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Randomize
