New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
