I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
