don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
