Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
