Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
