i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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