why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
