I just saw a hot homeless man
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
