u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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