Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
