I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
