I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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