well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
