Do you still have your period?
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
