I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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