You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
