Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
