we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
