I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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