Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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