I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
