Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Randomize
