i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
