So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
