she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I'm passing your future prison.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
