So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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