Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Floor bacon is actually really good
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
