i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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