I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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