Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
