i jhust puked up my retainher.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
