i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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