I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
