Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
