it hurts more in the daytime
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Drake has all the answers
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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