if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
