i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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