I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
