i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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