I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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