It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
