either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
