And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize