think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
