Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
She's the barista slut.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
we should paint friendship bongs
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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