I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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