There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
