I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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