Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
No subtext here. People are naked.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
