The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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