you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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