I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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