she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
