dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
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