Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Randomize
