You're so nebulous sometimes
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Randomize
