Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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