Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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