I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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