i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
