What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
