I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize