i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
