I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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